Political Music Critic Barack Obama (whom the Republican party would like to remind you has the middle name Hussein) and John Boehner (who would appreciate it if you mispronounced his name as “Bainer”) gave dueling speeches about the current fabricated mess that politics has created for our country.

These dueling speeches aren’t significant, despite what you may have heard. They’re just clarifications on the cloudy solutions we’re being told will clear up our foggy financial woes.

Summation: we’re doomed. The good news is, this is nothing new.

Barack Obama named his speech, Happiness is a Warm Gun.

“We need a fix because we’re going down. Down to the bits that we left uptown.”

Leading up to this moment was a deep, mood setting guitar riff that told us all to perk our ears and listen for the message. Two tax cuts (both for votes) and two expensive wars (one for reasons, another for lies) have added up to a mountain of debt.

Always aware that the country runs on the backs of people and not corporations (Are you aware the Supreme Court has granted corporations the same rights as American Citizens… you know, because of all the discrimination and suffering that corporations have had to endure?), the President led us into the scary news with respect.

“You aren’t a country that misses much. You’re all well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand, like a lizard on a window pane. The Man in the crowd with his multi-colored mirrors on his hobnail boots; Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy working overtime. The Republican Party has jumped the gun. The Republican Party has jumped the gun.”

When President Obama ended his speech by saying to us, “Happiness is a warm gun. When I hold you in my arms and I feel my finger on your trigger; I know nobody can do me no harm”, I felt a little used.

I’m not sure I like being cozied up to, while a chorus of Democrats sing “Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot” in the background.

Still, the message seems to be that a fight is on the horizon.

Again; nothing new. It will be real news if the Democrats actually participate in a fight…

For his part, Bainer Boehner, had a faster paced speech filled with the type of sped up gloom that leaves you wanting more.

He named his little ditty Run For Your Life.

“Well I’d rather see you dead, little country, than to be with another man. You better keep your head, little country, or I won’t know where I am. You better run for your life, if you can, little country. Hide your head in the sand, little country. Catch you with another man; that’s the end, little country.”

Bainer Boehner is a wicked guy and he was born with a jealous mind. He can’t spend his whole life trying just to make us tow the line. …at least that’s what I’m taking from his remarks and actions lately.

Boehner finished (after a jaunty interval of familiar strumming) with, “Let this be a sermon. I mean everything I’ve said. Baby, I’m determined, and I’d rather see you dead.”

Which actually does have the effect of making me want to run for my life and hide my head in the sand!

I get the eery feeling that if we play both of these speeches backwards, we’ll be able to faintly hear “America is dead!” among the other littering noises created by over-analysis.

 

Ken Thibado ripped off The Beatles, report him to the authorities at HalfStache@me.com