Yay for today—Christmas Eve day. This is my official last day on Brown, and quite frankly I couldn’t be more ecstatic. It’s been a looong month, but one filled with learning and good cheer. So what have I learned from this experience?
• Never, EVER accept a job that requires me to be out after dark. Not happenin.
• People shop online. A lot. Some receive packages each and every day, and the mail system is one amazing machine. Shout out to postal workers everywhere—you folks rock.
Sarah and Rich (O.F. P.O.), thanks for not beating me up for playing Jingle Bells on the doorbell. Couldn’t help myself, but your upbeat attitudes during the busiest time of the year are inspiring. Not to mention the snacks and goodies you’ve shared—so appreciated!
• Handoffs. Driver Jim is not shy about handing packages to, um, anyone. Friends, neighbors, fifth cousins twice removed, no one is exempt. Special thanks to Kristy Rubyor, Officer Silverman, and so many others that make his job possible. You can run but you cannot hide—he will find a way to get your package to you when the conditions are ridiculous.
• Big Brown. That truck, folks, is a nightmare that just doesn’t quit. I’m convinced that I’ve lost several inches in height due to the jostling and bouncing, and my whopping paycheck will hopefully cover the chiropractic visits in my future.
Not to mention the jump seat—a chopped off church pew with cloth over it. Sit, kneel, stand… well, you get the picture.
And now, a Christmas poem, to all of you from yours truly…
—
Skidding to a stop, in the big brown truck from hell
“Fragile, Do Not Drop,” gee this job is swell!
Bells in boxes ring, making
happy noise
Makes me wanna fling, all these flippin’ toys!
Ohh…jingle bells, ankle swells, think I broke my back
Wet and sore, pain galore, beat up by a sa-a-ack
Oh QVC, how I hate thee, click “overnight” and “yes”
It’s plain to see, this ain’t for me
See ya Up.yer.S!!!!
—
Merry Christmas everyone—hope you all enjoy your packages, I’m thrilled not to have to be a part of the returns, cuz that would just make me crazy.
God bless Jim and his family. I fear he’ll never quite be the same after this little helper experience but hey, what doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger. He’s morphed from Saint Jim to Hercules; you’re welcome, Jim!
