Monday morning… Some jobs probably aren’t worth having

Here it is, Monday morning, and the entire east coast and beyond is bracing for Super Storm Sandy.

Many of us are glued to our television sets viewing the track of the destruction and wondering how it will affect our loved ones, and of course, ourselves.

I am always astounded by the jobs news-reporting staff are obligated to perform.

“And here’s live coverage from Elaine in Bay Head, New Jersey.”

Well there’s poor Elaine, barely hanging on to her microphone while the wind and driving rain pummel her almost out of camera range.

So how ’bout the poor slob running the camera? And how does Elaine manage to stay upright when her bosses insist that she report this devastation while standing a foot away from the twenty-foot waves?

“Next, we’ve got Julie from Nags Head, North Carolina. Julie, exactly how gusty is it?”

Julie, too, is dripping wet, mascara melting all about the town (cuz who wants to be seen without one’s makeup while reporting?), and the inside-the-studio news folks just continue to inundate her with ridiculous questions.

“Is it more or less windy than when we last spoke with you an hour ago Julie? Can you get just a wee bit closer to the raging ocean so we at home can get a better look-see at what we might be in for?”

Clearly, this is not a vocation for me. I can only imagine my answers to any of those questions, followed by a direct flight post-storm to the studio, where someone would get punched in the face for playing Dr. Phil during a killer storm.

“So how does all that wind and rain make you feeeeel, Jan?’ Oops, I mean Julie… my imagination is running amuck here… and I truly cannot share the thoughts I am entertaining right now in this family read newspaper.Is there no Union for these folks? Do they really sign up for this part of the job, or is there some kind of rolodex that just happens to spit out your name when horror arrives?

Does the job application specify that “employee must be prepared any time at all, and with no notice, to fly/drive/horse & buggy travel directly into the eye of big fat dangerous storms and report from said eye?

Jeeze, I hope they’re well compensated, because I’m guessing there just ain’t enough money in this world to get me, voluntarily, in that position.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, you’ve got the jerks who simply refuse to be evacuated even though it’s been mandated.

They’ll be the first and the loudest to berate FEMA (from atop their floating rooftops of course), for not doing enough to save them or their homes.

It was a proud moment when I heard two governors make the same statements pertaining to these idiots—“You’re not only risking your own lives, but the lives of the first responders who’ll have to try and save you.”

They should’ve modified it to “who may or may not try and save you, because they have their own families to tend to who have evacuated the area as instructed. So you, Mr. Stupid, are on your own. Have a nice float, don’t forget your emergency kit now!”

And then, always lurking in the background, is Decision 2012. Of course it was brought to the forefront where it clearly does not belong when a tragedy such as this is hovering at the doorstep.

“How will this impact the coming election? What, by golly, will happen if power is not restored in time for THE VOTE?????? What will we do Nation?!!!”

How ’bout this for an idea.

Maybe we should concentrate on making sure people are safe and sound, especially the elderly and physically challenged, and THEN we can worry who’s going to wreck our country for the next four years.

Finally, and just when the old BP was starting to really take off, here comes Lindsay Lohan’s tweet:

“Why is everyone in SUCH a panic? It’s just a little storm, I’m calling it ‘Sally’—what’s the big deal?”

Let’s let the law guys handle this one. Her next community service should surely include the job that Julie and Elaine had to endure. I say we place that little wench directly into the next eye.

Start reporting sweetheart—shall we call it “Sally” again?