Do what you want with bath products, just stay out of my face When one ponders the idea of total relaxation several images come to mind…

You’ve got your early morning peaceful and beautiful sunrise.

You’ve got your vision of a sandy beach with gentle waves rolling into shore.

You’ve got an appointment for a chat-free pedi.

You’ve got an hour set aside in your busy day for a delightful soaking bath.

But wait… did you say bath?

Well, the bath thing has now been tainted, almost totally wrecked, by a bunch of idiots who have decided that their newest, most innovative way of catching a buzz involves—of all things—BATH SALTS!Thank you Dr. Siegers for last week’s article which shed a little light on this mysterious trend.

Apparently there’s some chemical called MDPV (clearly the shortened initials of some big long scientific name) in bath salts that, when ingested, gets a body high.

I, of course, immediately started eyeballing my seemingly harmless carton of Epsom Salt and giving it a sneer.

Turns out the sneer was unnecessary; Google assures me that my friend Epsom is not involved in this disaster, but many other bath salts do contain this brain-wrecking combination of poisons.

So here’s my question:

How, exactly, does one discover this? I mean, what happened here?

Maybe the cleaning products just weren’t cutting the mustard any more, so one day when some genius was languishing in a warm tubby he happened to read a bath salt label and decided hey, I’m soaking in MDPV and I feel sooooo good—how ’bout I SNORT THIS STUFF!!!

Consequences be damned, even if they happen to lead to a zombie-like state, hallucinations, paranoia, violent behavior and psychotic episodes.

Oh, and let’s not forget the
real good stuff—a hankering for cannibalism.

Swell.

Who wouldn’t want to sign up for THAT? Afterall, before all that grisliness you’re REALLY HIGH!!!

Aw, c’mon nation, I’m all kinds of sympathic to many addictions, but now you’ve crossed the line by messing with my bath time.

I will not, CANNOT, feel one speck of remorse or empathy for anyone who deliberately stuffs this new designer drug up their nose, or into their veins, or whatever other stupid choice exists.

We can only hope that, like the crack phase, this will fall out of popularity because the effects are freaking terrifying.

People are dying and taking the innocent with them in a most horrifying way and I’m thinking no amount of therapy can save them.

Unfortunately the ultimate buzz is… well… death. I’m guessing living in a non-high state is just intolerable to these folks, so snorting their way towards the light is an acceptable alternative.

Well you go right ahead, but go by yourself and leave the rest of us alone, with our faces intact thank you very much.

Meanwhile, back in the tub, I will make a conscious effort to forget this abomination of my happy place.

As if it’s not bad enough that I’m already skeptical of my cleaning products, you fools will not wreck my tubby time.

Oh no ya don’t.