White Magic Sponge… I raise you up… the Abbot to my Costello!

Addiction. It’s everywhere and affects so many people that we can’t even be counted.

Support groups abound, and it’s high time I start my own… because, boys and girls, my name is Jan, and I am a hopeless junkie.

It was over a year ago that I was introduced to Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser.

Because they’re pricey little things—more than twice the cost of a regular colored sponge—I ignored them for a while. And honestly? The first time I scissored my way through the plastic to release my new BFF I wasn’t totally impressed.Half sponge, half eraser, I tackled a regular kitchen cleaning with my usual zest. The thing started to crumble and I remember thinking, “Magic is crap— I’ve been duped. AGAIN!”

But because we’re on such a tight budget here and I paid big buckaroos for the sucker, I tried again. Less zest this time—turns out one doesn’t NEED to scrub so hard.

WAALAA!!! Keep in mind, my house (so I thought) is clean. But there, lurking around corners and underneath tiny cracks and crevices, the magic started to work.

The white sponge turned to brown, then grey, and eventually (oh my good God), black.

Oh the horror.

We’re living like pigs here. I despise dirt and crud, and the mere fact that it had been eluding me all these years was crushing.

Needless to say, that one little sponge took quite a beating that fateful day.

Sure enough, I was off to Walmart in search of The Magic in an economized version. Pay dirt: VARIETY PACK!!!!

There he was, with his shiny baldhead and creepy half smile, Mr. Crack/Clean! Not one, but TWO, Extra Power multi-purpose for tough tasks sponges; TWO kitchen scrubbers infused with Dawn to erase greasy messes or baked on stains; and TWO special bath scrubbers for soap scum fighting.

I watched it happen to myself.

The addiction, that is. A normal bathroom cleaning turned into a Ninja fest.

Who knew my body could perform like a trapeze artist on crack? Stretching, contorting, wipey wiping—why, gymnasts everywhere would be envious of such a show.

And talk about a workout! Ab Lounge™ be damned—I don’t need you anymore! I have my very own workout routine now, and the only equipment I need is my adorable, lovable, white, magic sponges!

And now, for your special enjoyment, (and because Toby Keith’s ‘Red Solo Cup’ has inspired me), I have written a little song.

May it stick in your head, and replay itself over and over, so you too can join me in my little land of magic junkie-ness.

It goes like this:

White magic sponge e-rase the grunge so we can party! Oh yeah let’s party!

You’ve passed the test

I love you best so now let’s party! A cleaning party!

Ya know, Mr. Clean, you like kinda

Mean and your power over me is truly obscene

The sponges blue or red, to me they now are dead

I just can’t get your white stuff outta my head

Oh please let’s party! We have to party!

White magic sponge you make me lunge

I NEED this party—must start this party!!

Oh magic eraser, how I adore you. The Support Group will be meeting weekly, in my bathroom. B.Y.O.M.E.