United We Prepare! by Ken Thibado, Survivalist

Post-civilization looks to be around corner

Well, The Great Collapse is here. It’s the Second Depression-or are we on The Third?

The point is: This Is The Big One folks! The long recession followed by a hollow-sounding kurplunk, and the sinking feeling that we’re too tired to swim.

Face-painted extremes from the Right and Left are marching and chanting, while carrying signs bemoaning taxes, corporations, and government.

Factions from America’s Protestor Army have been dispatched to all the state capitals, Wall Street, and various other places of political and monetary power.

Not even mace-wielding Tony Bologna of the NYPD can abuse his way into an advantageous position against all the un-showered throngs that have descended upon New York City from Camp Bong Hit.

The Tea Party continues its frenzied attacks on everything from logic to Barack Obama.

Having just lost their Knight in White-Painted-Over-Offensive-Slur Armor, Rick Perry, to self-inflicted wounds caused by his own mouth, they continue on (much like a chicken that has lost its head).

It’s time to plan for the created disaster.

From now on, we’ll only be able to rely upon ourselves.

We all need to take stock of our special skills, keeping in mind that if we stick together we should be able to survive.

For instance, I believe I will be able to take most of our scrap brass, bronze and copper and turn it into makeshift coins.

We will be able to use these coins to trade for food and clothing with the neighboring towns (assuming they don’t make better coins).

We’ll need people who know how to build huts from debris, and plenty of coffee cans to store gasoline in.

I can’t emphasize enough how important old tires will be; please stop throwing them away!

Additionally, save all your old electronics. We may need to build a makeshift radio system, or some other form of communication.

Again, we will be needing a structure, built from debris, to house our radio system in.

A word to the wise: Don’t build your alcohol still from used muffler parts. In fact, old mufflers are the only items that still have no value.

I believe we should have a stock-pile of round pebbles for self-defense, and anyone who knows sweet karate moves should share them with the group.

It’s not a bad idea to practice camouflaging yourself with sticks, twigs, and leaves.

And, being able to dig holes fast is a very underrated skill.

We’ll know it’s time to disappear into the wilderness when the sirens of doom begin to sing about how The Debt Ceiling has crashed through the floor.

By then Greece will just be a misspelling of a Broadway Show.

Keep your head down. I hear tell of a compound run by Tom Petty someplace in the NorthWest… (stock up on comfortable shoes).

You can share survival tips with Ken Thibado at HalfStach@me.com.

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