Just Call me Mrs. Lucky by Jan from Woodgate

Little slice of full-belly deli: Kudos to the young and uninitiated.

The business of food service, all aspects, is not an easy one. Some folks are way pickier than others and, in their defense, they are paying top-dollar for their food these days and should be able to get stuff the way they like it.

However, there are limits.

Shall we take a little trip to the deli? Any deli, any store, anywhere. It’s Deli Hell. I just never seem to run into happy cold-cut slicers, so I’m thinking that it must be a horrible occupation. 

We’ve all been in line behind the deli person’s nightmare, and I am totally sympathetic each and every time. Nine times out of ten it’s a woman, and it goes something like this: “What’s on sale this week? Got any specials?”Immediately I must bite my tongue, cuz really, can’t you see the huge flourescent signs stating EXACTLY what’s on sale? This is often followed by:“Is it fresh?”Nope—it’s the stuff that was almost moldy last week, that’s why we’re sellin it so cheap.

Inevitably—and I seriously wait for this—comes the taste test. “Can ya just cut me a little slice so I can see if it’s too salty?”Really? It’s a flippin hunk of high sodium meat that’s been drowning in preservatives for God knows how long, so yeah, there’s gonna be some salt involved.

Have you visited the produce aisle yet? Very little salt there and we just know you’re the type who will sample each and every grape on your way by.

“Now, I’d like one eighth of a pound of the low salt turkey, but it has to be sliced reaalllly thin. Wafer thin—can ya give it a try and show me what you’ve got there? Nope, back to the drawing board—a tiny bit too thick……”And on and on it goes. Another eighth of a pound of something (not even one sandwich in this house), then something else. By now I’ve totally lost interest in my Genoa salami and am heading directly to the handy little plastic containers that contain nicely shaved deli items and ya get to keep the container.

For all of you out there who think I feel men are inferior and/or stupid, here’s an example of my appreciation of your gender… When there’s a guy ahead of me at Deli Hell I will happily wait for my salami, cuz truly, he cares not about these cold cuts. All he knows is he needs to scratch that half-pound of ham off his list, and he doesn’t give a hoot if it’s on sale, loaded with salt, or the size of a delmonico steak. It’s tossed in his cart in a jiffy and off he goes to the femine hygiene aisle to provide yet more free entertainment for the female shoppers.

See guys? I do care.

So anyway, there I am last weekend at Big M in Boonville, preparing myself for the groveling I fall into at Deli Hell (“I’m so sorry, but I need just one more thing”), when out of absolutely NOwhere comes a young lad, all smiles, totally happy, asking for my order.

Without being prompted he actually holds up my first slice and asks if it’s okay. I am so taken off guard that I laugh out loud, and I think we both thought that the other must be high on something. A happy deli guy? Eager to please and oh-so-happy to keep slicing anything I want with nary a grunt, groan, or muted expletive? Am I still on earth here?

Needless to say, I took full advantage of this enlightening experience, and ordered all kinds of goodies sliced to perfection. Made my day it did, and although I don’t know the kid’s name I will be dropping off a copy of The Weekly to that store this weekend. Guaranteed he’s summer help, but with an attitude like that he will clearly be successful in any endeavor he chooses to pursue.

For all you deli workers out there, I feel your pain. Many folks are near impossible to please, but may I offer some advice here? The Plastic Smile works wonders in these situations, and even Mrs. Never Happy will often respond half-way pleasantly when presented with it. Consider it a challenge and remember that without her you may not have a job. As for me, I can only hope that my new deli hero maintains his super attitude and stays on at Big M indefinitely—gonna be a banner sandwich summer here in Woodgate!

Share Button